Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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