You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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