weddingsv make me drug and hornr
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
