So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
