Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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