Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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