Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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