I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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