did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
