I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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