She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
