i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
