I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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