Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
