Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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