for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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