Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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