4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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