happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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