I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
