Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
