I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
