i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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