Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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