the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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