i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
