I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
