tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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