I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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