walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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