yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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