I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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