peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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