Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
