my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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