listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
