thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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