Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
