brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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