Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They took my balls.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
