My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
