i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
