How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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