none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
