some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
