i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
