I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
