but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
