I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
