you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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