This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
