Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You have to summon your inner elephant
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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