His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
