Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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