sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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