I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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