i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
