so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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