Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
did you just send me my own nude
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
