Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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