When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
