So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I won the penis lottery.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
