Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
